I can quilt, ergo I can sew. As a result, people have asked me to sew some wacky things over the years. Here are some of the best “worst projects ever”:
- Night of the Living Blankie - My sister-in-law once asked me to salvage her son’s “lovey” – a one-time flannel quilt that had been “loved” to pieces. It looked like it had been mauled by a Rottweiler. I managed to “save” it by cutting it in half, saving the “better” half and using the remaining shreds to patch what was left. I thought it was a disaster, but she was moved to tears. She said she was going to give it back to her son to give to HIS child one day. He has two kids now but I never did find out if either of them was gifted Blanken-stein. I’m sure if his wife had anything to say about it, Blankie ended up in the dog bed.
- Out of the Dog House - My neighbor called me in an absolute panic one day. She had been dog-sitting and one of her dogs nipped at the other dog, tearing a hole in his doggie jacket. I kid you not. She was distraught, assuring me the doggie vest in question was “very expensive” and the owner was going to be “very unhappy”. As she nervously paced and watched, I cinched up the 3 small holes. The doggie vest was ostensibly fleece, which is notably quite fluffy. As a result, the stitches became absolutely invisible. The neighbor was thrilled and she didn’t get her doggie sitting wages garnished.
- Garage Rehab Redo – One of the most odious things I’ve ever had to sew was a seat cover for a 1987 Ford F150. It should have been pretty easy. After all it was just a bench seat, long before trucks got all fancy with the bucket seats and cup holders. I bought the sturdiest canvas I could find, forgetting that I had to actually sew multiple layers of it. Fortunately, I had an old 70’s era Kenmore with an engine so strong it could have pulled that same truck out of a ditch.
- Don’t Ask Me to the Prom Dress- I sewed a prom dress one year for my middle child. After re-doing the top six times, I would have rather sewn a prom dress for Carrie. The next year, I gave her $400, sent her to the Bridal & Prom shop and said “go nuts!” Best money I ever spent.
Worse than any prom dress, one thing I have never sewn for anyone is a wedding dress. If there is one thing I learned from my favorite professor at the MIT Sloan School of Management it was “just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should”.
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